Thank You!

I just want to say that I appreciate each of the responses I received to my "Taking Stock" post. About once a year I need to be validated I guess. If just a few of you are out there reading and finding some value in my blog that's enough for me. I'm sure there will be many other topics for me to express myself on as time goes on. If I don't post for a little while periodically don't give up on me! Thanks again to all of you. :)
And if you're just now reading the June 18th post PLEASE ADD YOUR COMMENT!!

Heal the World - Michael Jackson

Happy Birthday Stella!

This little girl has been my best gal-pal for 6 years. She was one when I found her in a shelter and brought her home with me. We had a tough first year due to her abandonment issues and adoption baggage - but after she realized (after many months of mischief) that I was indeed coming back home every time I left - we were cool. She killed two chipmunks this week (that I had to clean up), she's tangled with a buck in the backyard much to my horror, she still drags me up the street on our "walks" no matter how many devices and techniques I've tried, she has muddy paws and sloppy kisses, but I can't imagine a day here without her. I know it's cliche, but God made something very special when he created dogs. She makes me happy every day. So Happy Birthday Stella!

Taking Stock

My first week of summer has already gone by and I realized that I spent it lost in my own little world - writing a poem for my son's wedding, cleaning projects around the house, catching up on "General Hospital", taking walks, doing yardwork - in short, heavenly, peaceful, quiet, and stress-free. I thank God for every day. The one thing I did not pay any attention to is this BLOG!

This is my 584th post. I've tried to make each post meaningful and not a waste of time for my readers. There have been 116 posts of my own original poems and 31 COEXIST essays, among many other topics. But I'm wondering whether to go on. Is anyone still out there?

A couple months ago I noticed a huge jump in the number of hits on my blog on the stat-counter. I checked out where they were coming from and the vast majority were searching for Johnny Depp! I had one post about him being the sexiest man alive (duh) and apparently when people from all over the world Googled Johnny they ended up on my little blog post. I deleted that post because I want real readers, not celebrity seekers. Now the hits are greatly reduced, but that's OK as long as those of you out there are checking in. On the other hand, I have not given you much to check in on, now have I?

I have also been a bad blog reader. It became an overwhelming job to read everyone else's blogs every day or so, and maybe that's what has happened to all of you! And I don't blame you! What is the point of reading someone's blog just so they will read yours?

I guess I'm asking if this blog is truly worthwhile to any of you. It has been fun and challenging for me and also a great outlet for my self-expression needs. It has often kept me writing and thinking and keeping the old brain alive in the evenings. I want to continue to have a place to occasionally share a viable thought or a meaningful poem, I really do! Maybe just not quite as often. What do you think? (If anyone's still out there.)

First Swimming Lesson - Tissue Alert!!

I'm So Glad We Had This Time Together . . .

just to have a laugh or sing a song,
seems we just get started
and before you know it
comes the time we have to say
so long . . .

Four years ago I advertised around town to start a writing group in my area. Every month for the first year between 6-10 people showed up at the library to critique each other's diverse writing projects and give general support. But the majority of the group varied from month to month until there seemed to be four of us who worked well together, enjoyed each others' company and were on a similar level of writing abilities. I decided to end the library group and the four of us started meeting in a variety of places. We'd send each other new chapters of our books-in-progress by email to review before the meetings. It was a beautiful thing.

Until Nancy moved away. Then there were three of us. We continued on - two girls and a guy.

Most of my evening activities are ones I enjoy but often don't feel like attending after a long day's work. But being with Amy and Dan was something I always looked forward to. We nurtured and encouraged each other through one novel a piece as well as other fledgling projects.

We named our group WWR - Writers Without Readers - existing in the hope that someday at least ONE of us would be a writer WITH readers. I truly believe that any one of us would be as happy for another ones successful publication as we would be of our own - and that is a rare relationship to have with anyone.

We have become friends, sometimes meeting and sharing our lives with each other when none of us had accomplished any writing the month before (because sometimes life just gets in the way of being a part-time writer.) We've believed in each other, encouraged each other, supported each other and spent hours and hours editing and reviewing each other's work. A good, good thing that is now coming to an end.

Amy is moving away too.

We met last night for the last time to share a few laughs and few tears. It won't be the same, but we're glad to have email to continue to send each other our work in the future. And if one of us experiences any writing success of any kind, the others will be rejoicing from wherever we are.

Thank you Dan and Amy for a one-of-a-kind group. I look forward to receiving your published books in the mail someday. I will always treasure our time together.

I'm reading Carol Burnett's new book so as I drove away last night I quietly sang - I'm so glad we had this time together......

Dogs

Dharma
by Billy Collins

The way the dog trots out the front door
every morning
without a hat or an umbrella,
without any money
or the keys to her dog house
never fails to fill the saucer of my heart
with milky admiration.

Who provides a finer example
of a life without encumbrance -
Thoreau in his curtainless hut
with a single plate, a single spoon?
Ghandi with his staff and holy diapers?

Off she goes into the material world
with nothing but her brown coat
and her modest blue collar,
following only her wet nose,
the twin portals of her steady breathing,
followed only by the plume of her tail.

If only she did not shove the cat aside
every morning
and eat all his food
what a model of self-containment she would be,
what a paragon on earthly detachment.
If only she were not so eager
for a rub behind the ears,
so acrobatic in her welcomes,
if only I were not her god.

Nature

Nature is ever at work building and pulling down, creating and destroying, keeping everything whirling and flowing, allowing no rest but in rhythmical motion, chasing everything in endless song out of one beautiful form into another.
John Muir
naturalist and exploror
1838-1914

Memorial Day 2010

American Deaths:
Iraq - 4,404
Afghanistan - 996
Persian Gulf - 382
Vietnam - 58,209
Korean - 36,574
WWII - 405,399
WWI - 116,516

622,480 too many.

Wise Words

Wine makes daily living easier and less hurried, with fewer tensions and more tolerance.
Benjamin Franklin

Look What We've Done

Did you ever stop to notice all the blood we've shed before? Have you ever stopped to notice this crying Earth, its weeping shores?
What have we done to the world? Look what we've done.
Michael Jackson - from Earth Song

Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers, not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve.
I Peter 5:2

The godly care for their animals, but the wicked are always cruel.
Proverbs 12:10

How many are your works, O Lord. In wisdom you made them all: the earth is full of your creatures. There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number, living things both large and small.
Psalm 104:24-25.

The Boneyard

Lonely tables and chairs suction
clusters of youth around them
as night comes, pulling them in
with brown bottles, tall glasses,
giant screens display frantic
human activity, blinking,
flashing numbers, talking
mouths with no words,
bodies multiply like mutant cells,
disco music forces itself into
your ears and causes the bodies to bob
like blond-haired engine pistons.
Stalker-looking men tell you
your daughter is beautiful
and you want to take her home
but you can't because she's all
grown up. As the night goes on
you feel older and older,
but the drummer looks at you
for awhile, he points and smiles at you
because you still love to dance,
and you know you're not dead yet.

Land of Oz

There were no poor people in the land of Oz, because there was no such thing as money, and all property of every sort belonged to the Ruler. Each person was given freely by his neighbors whatever he required for his use. which is as much as anyone may reasonably desire. Every one worked half the time and played half the time, and the people enjoyed the work as much as they did the play, because it is good to be occupied and to have something to do.
L. Frank Baum

Coexist Quotes

The ultimate sense of security will be when we come to recognize that we are all part of one human race. Our primary allegiance is to the human race and not to one particular color or border.
Mohamed El Baradei (General of International Atomic Energy Agency)

All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.
Acts 2:44-45

The only way human beings can win a war is to prevent it.George Marshall (US army chief, Secretary of Defense, Nobel Laureate 1880-1959)

Firstborn

I was not too young to be a mother, but
too young to know how to do anything but love.

It was the day earth connected to heaven
by a female thread, and when it detached, she was mine.

Hours old, the kindly nurse said, it's ok, open the blanket,
unwrap your baby, look at your daughter.

I saw the blush of birth on her skin, pearls
in her fingernails, and sapphires in her eyes.

The trees outside were greening while we were away
in that secluded time spent out of time.

Twenty-nine years later I see birth stories on tv
and feel the bulge of my belly, the tenderness of translucent skin,

the tiny burst of blood vessels. I hear a baby cry
and my breasts tingle and pull and expand.

I buried my old life and she grew into my surviving,
and in my oblation I loved her the best I could.

Sunny

My little canary, Sunny, died yesterday. I knew he was leaving me but he fought for two weeks. His legs gave out and I was putting his food and drink on the floor of the cage next to his mouth. I love canaries because they sing so gloriously. I have heard that canaries are not supposed to live past 6 or 7, but my last one lived for 11 years and Sunny for 10. He sang for many years and then stopped. I am pretty sure he was silent for two to three years. I just thought it was his age. And then, two months ago he started singing again! At any time of the day or night he'd break out into song. I don't remember a bird singing at night before. So he gave me his "swan song" before he left. It seemed like a little miracle.

Kent State University - May 4, 1970

(Click to enlarge)

I graduated from Kent State University, as did my sister and my daughter. It has a lovely, idyllic campus in an almost rural area of Ohio. The middle of nowhere. I took these photos on a recent stop there. The events of that spring day in 1970 still seem unbelievable. I've been writing a short story about Allison Krause, a fictional account of the last few days of her life before she was killed by the National Guard. In my research I discovered an extraordinary young woman. A young woman who was kind, compassionate, a leader, and undoubtably would have made a positive difference in the world if not for that day. The story is history now, but still heartbreaking. Students speaking their minds - in America - the land of the free - gunned down with nothing more than a raised middle finger, an obscene word, maybe a handful of pebbles. Four dead in Ohio.

Pink Hearts Not Pink Slips

By the end of this school year it is estimated that as many as 300,000 educators will receive pink slips across the country. This means drastic increases in class sizes and less indivualized instruction, the erosion of classroom discipline and school safety. the elimination of art, music, AP classes and summer school.

"Our educators put their heart and soul into their work, and every day they make a real difference in the lives of children. Starting MAy 4, National Teacher Day, wear a pink heart to acknowledge their important contributions. Students need their educators in the classroom, not in unemployment lines.
Our government didn't walk away from Wall Street. We should demand no less from them when it comes to saving our children's future. Voice your support for federal legislation that will provide $23 billion to help school districts avoid layoffs and cut vital services for children. We need to preserve the education lifeline our students deserve." The American Federation of Teachers.

To me, this is unthinkable in a country like America. We pride ourselves on progress and equality and yet it sometimes seems that our public education system is at the bottom of the priority list. At the same time schools are required to raise the bar on achievement. As a teacher, I never stop hearing about the need for America to become more competitive in education and in the world - but where is the funding? Why are schools constantly struggling for their basic needs? How will we move forward with less and less? How will your child receive the encouragment and individual attention he/she deserves from one teacher who is responsible for forty children in a classroom. The Cleveland Municipal School District is laying off over 600 teachers this spring. Who will take their place? If you think these teachers are unnecessary or not doing their job I challenge you to step into any classroom, on any schoolday and see for yourself.

Cleveland Pics

Coexist XXIX - Toward a More Civil Discourse

I have been writing a story based on the events of May 4, 1970 at Kent State. I was a young teen then, but remember all the protests and concerns of young people at that time. It was good thing, but often they were misunderstood and, of course, the tragedy at Kent State was an unnecessary response to peaceful protests and innocent young people. I digress. I'm concerned about where the "freedom of speech" is going when you can now join a Facebook group that calls for the death of our President. I see very young teens I know joining these types of groups in response to some radical and fanatical thinking and trends that may be getting out of control regarding our government. My concern is not that opposing viewpoints are being heard, but that we are moving away from civility and respect for our government and each other as citizens of this still free country. I wonder what it is like for young people to hear and see all the media they encounter now whether they seek it out or not. Facebook is certainly full of political opinions, and these young teens may be excited to express themselves in this way. But I wonder if they realize what they are really saying. Are we on a downward spiral?

"We live in a climate ripe with noise. Media outlets and 24-hour news cycles mean that everyone with access to a computer has access to a megaphone to broadcast their views. Never before in human history has an opinion had the opportunity to reach so many so quickly without regard to its accuracy or appropriateness.
It is difficult to hear anything when everyone has a megaphone. For young people trying to learn how to speak and listen, this is an especially complicated business."
Kate Shuster Ph.D
from Teaching Tolerance spring 2010

Earth Day - TULIPS!

My Testing Rant

This is the week I like to call Official State of Ohio Torture Children Week. It is the week, as a special education teacher, that I get to hand out a reading test on the fourth grade level to students who are reading at a 1st-2nd grade level. It will have no less than SIX 3-4 page stories that I will ask them to TRY to read (with 2-3 pages of questions attached) They will stare up at me like I am crazy and they will wait for me to help them as I have been for the past 30 weeks. But I will say - go ahead - read it yourself! I imagine it's similar to being handed a book written in Russian and told you can read it if you just TRY HARDER!

The next day I will give them a math test that includes algebra, reducing fractions, elapsed time, probability and those great story problems. The thing is that some of my students are still struggling with skills in addition and subtraction.

To me this all reinforces their belief that they are stupid and failures before they get out of elementary school. Then we wonder why they drop out.

I am all for schools being accountable, for special ed kids too, because they CAN learn. They have learning disabilities, cognitive disabilities, may have been exposed to drugs and alcohol prenatally, or struggle with ADHD every day which interferes with their learning, but states insist that they should take the same tests and progress at the same rate as all the kids who have none of those handicaps.

I will say that the state is beginning to introduce value-added status which measures yearly growth. This is good start - but my students are still expected to PASS the TESTS. If they don't I look bad, which makes my principal look bad, which makes the district look bad, which gives us an inferior rating, which is published in the paper, which causes the citizens not to vote for levies, which puts the district behind - again.

Maybe someday it will all make sense - but it will most likely be long after I am retired. My simple solution is to give them tests on their skill level and the next year show growth.
(There are also science, writing and social studies tests - and we all know you cannot possibly have a successful life without passing a social studies test. )

If Women Controlled Medicine

. . . Except he'd be screaming and never go back :)

Soliloquy

". . . I was a flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes."

Molly Bloom's soliloquy from Ulysses by James Joyce.
Painting by Marc Chagall

Inspiring Words for a Tuesday

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."
Gilda Radner - actress and comedian 1946-1989

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

"No one is uslesss in this world who lightens the burden of it for anyone else."
charles Dickens

God is Love and....

You can safely assume that you have created God in your own image when God hates all the same people you do.
Anne Lamott

God is Love

Raising Kids

I don't know about your community but we have a lot of cars around here with bumper stickers that say "Proud to be the parent of an honor student." While this is something to certainly be proud of, I am looking back as the mother of two grown children now. I reflect often on my effectiveness as their mother. I blame myself for every little obstacle they face, wondering if I did enough, if I encouraged the right things, did I push hard enough when needed, or too hard?

The other day I saw a bumper sticker that read :"I love my kids whether or not they are honor students." I smiled at this because now that my children are well into adulthood I realize the greatest joy in my life is knowing that I raised two good, kind, loving people. In the end what matters is the person you helped form, not how much money they make or what school they graduated from. If you have a child who is content in life, a child who takes time to visit their grandparents, a child who will still confide in you - you've done something right. I guess I did.

A Joyous Easter to All

Eggshelland Update

We were out and about the other day and visited the 2010 Eggshelland. The theme is "we can fly" - all birds! My favorite little creatures on earth. Happy Easter!

Holy Week

What language shall I borrow to thank Thee dearest friend
for this thy dying sorrow, Thy pity without end?
O make me mine forever and should I fainting be
Lord, let me never,never outlive my love to Thee.

(anon, from the hymn O Sacred Head Now Wounded.)

Eggshelland

At Eastertime in the northeast Ohio town of Lyndhurst you can visit Eggshelland. It is located about a mile from where I used to live and where I raised my children, so we visited often. Ron and Betty Manolio have put on this free display in their front yard since 1957. Every year there is a new theme to add to the everpresent fifty-foot cross and the Easter bunny. In the beginning they saved their own egg shells by putting a dime-sized hole in the bottom and draining the contents before enameling. Now they get new shells from local restaurants.
The displays often include over 50,000 colorful egg shells, with an annual average breakage loss of 1500. In 1998 a hailstorm destroyed 10,238 and an ice storm and six inches of snow damaged 11,941, but the Manolio's are undeterred.
Imagine how many smiles they have evoked from children and adults over the years.

Soldier's and Sailor's Monument in Cleveland

Continuing our tour of Public Square in Cleveland we see the Soldier's and Sailor's monument. It is 116 years old and newly renovated. This monument commemorates the Civil War. Outside there is a 125 foot column with four bronze groupings depicting battle scenes of the Navy, Artillery, Infantry and Calvary. Inside 9000 names of Cuyahoga County residents are presented, 1800 of them died in the war. There are more bronze relief sculptures including the Women's Aid Society.
I've lived in greater Cleveland all my life (which is a long time) and this was my first visit inside the monument!

Old Stone Church in Cleveland

The Old Stone Church, a Presbyterian congregation on Public Square in Cleveland dates back to 1820 when Cleveland was just a village. Several disastrous fires later the present building has been in this spot since 1858, squeezed in amongst newer and taller structures. The church offers noontime services, an art gallery and concerts on a glorious pipe organ. I visited on my lunch hour from jury duty this week and was welcomed and inspired. If you're nearby it's worth a visit.



Amasa Stone window by John LaFarge
CLICK ON PHOTOS TO ENLARGE

Jury Duty

Captive and claustrophobic
in a space with too many people,
no empty chairs and uncomfortable
bodies line dirt-colored hallways,
a clock is frozen at 11:00,
and this is how time passes.

In the quiet room, ruffling newsprint,
an occasional cough, the dull hum
of traffic and a periodic vocal
sigh of discontent are the only sounds
as the man across from me reads
the telephone book, as he has been for 36 minutes,
licking three fingers to turn each page.

Outside our glass walls it vibrates
with muffled laughter from the
socially-adept,the friend-makers,
those who enjoy talking as pastime.
Names are announced and all freeze,
looking enviously on those chosen.
They are allowed to move. The herd is thinning.

In the free world contrails in the sky
represent humans traveling somewhere,
anywhere,
while I am forcibly stationary
on this lovely spring day.

A Prayer in Spring

Robert Frost (1915)

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers today;
And give us not to think so far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year.

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,
Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;
And make us happy in the happy bees,
The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

And make us happy in the darting bird
That suddenly above the bees is heard,
The meteor that thrusts with needle bill,
And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

For this is love and nothing else is love,
The which it is reserved for God above
To sanctify to what far ends He will,
But which it only needs that we fulfill.

Tolerance

The highest result of education is tolerance.
Helen Keller 1880-1968

Every one of us is precious in the cosmic perspective. If a human disagrees with you, let him live. In a hundred billion galaxies you will not find another.
Carl Sagan 1934-1996

Libera Me

When I am running up the fire escape
with scorched lungs, smoked through
the throat, trembling, teardrops on fire,
wordless from fear and calamity,
move heaven and earth to
save me from myself.
Save me, liberate me, deliver me
from the flames that I ignited
in my human
being
Libera me, Domine de morte aeterna in die illa tremenda

Across the Universe - Lennon and McCartney

Words are flowing out like
endless rain into a paper cup,
they slither while they pass,
they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy
are drifting through my opened mind
possessing and caressing me, Jai Guru deva om
nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like million eyes
they call me on and on across the universe.
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box,
they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe.

Sounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing through my opened ears
inciting and inviting me, limitless undying love which shines around me
like a millions suns and calls me on and on across the universe.
Jai guru deva om, nothing's gonna change my world.

Sometimes a Beatles song comes on my ipod (on shuffle) and I have to appreciate them all over again. Jai Guru deva translates to "I give thanks to the heavenly teacher."
I painted the Abby Road scene on my basement wall.You can click to enlarge, but it looks better small :) Unless you come to my house to see it in person!

Quote of the Day

When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.
Leonard Matlovich
a gay Viet Nam vet 1943-1988

Origin of Idioms

I read these in a forwarded email so I can't swear they're all true - but they are interesting!

Many years ago in Scotland a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only.. Ladies Forbidden .. and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language!

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'.

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase.. 'Good night - sleep tight.'

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey wine and because the calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs ale is ordered by pints and quarts, so in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's.'

Many years ago in England pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

The Long Winter

Winter had lasted so long that is seemed it would never end. It seemed that they would never really wake up.
In the morning Laura got out of bed into the cold. She dressed downstairs by the fire that Pa had kindled before he went to the stable, They ate their course brown bread. Then all day long she and Ma and Mary ground wheat and twisted hay as fast as they could. The fire must not go out; it was very cold. They ate some course brown bread. Then Laura climbed into the cold bed and shivered until she grew warm enough to sleep.
Next morning she got out of bed into the cold. She dressed in the chilly kitchen by the fire. She ate her course brown bed. She took turns at grinding wheat and twisting hay. She did not ever feel awake. She felt beaten by the cold and storms. She knew she was dull and stupid but she could not wake up.

from The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder
(now doesn't that make you feel better?)

Millstone

Does everyone have a thorn?
sharp, unrelenting, deathless
a backpack stuffed full of faults
some gravity for the soul

a caustic river in your veins
arthritis in your arm bones as they reach out
to clench the tiny remnants of self-worth
you spent your youth searching for

recycled, reused, repiercing
as if you swallowed vinegar and razors
on any unforgiven day it would taste like
serrated sugar, polluted with guilt

it doesn't matter how many times
you burn your whited-out journals
and touch the precious ashes
it's a phoenix in man's clothing

does everyone have a stumbling stone?
as you walk down the Via Dolorosa
year after breakable year, the fruitless waiting
for it to go away

Coexist Quote

The family of man is not limited to a single race or religion, to a single city or country... the family of man is nearly 3 billion strong. Most of its members are not white and most of them are not Christian. The members of this family should be at peace with one another.
John F. Kennedy

Marc Cohn - The Power of Music and Lyrics - Part 2

On February 7th I wrote about the power of music and lyrics, and this week I saw it in action. My son and I went to see Marc Cohn (of "Walking in Memphis" fame) perform at the Kent Stage. Cohn has been a favorite of mine since the early 90's. He's a seasoned performer, making you feel like he's in your living room chatting with you. Some artists are better to see in concert like James Taylor and Marc Cohn. Their personas, the soulful beauty of the voices,and their musicianship are stunning in person. If you've never heard Marc - try to find a You Tube live performance (when he's bald).

At the end of the concert Marc and three others performed (for the first and only time) a deeply moving rendition of the Crosby, Stills, Nash song "Ohio" as we sat in an old movie theater about a half of a mile from where four students senselessly died. I graduated from Kent State and the story of May 4, 1970 still chokes me up.

One of the many things I have always loved about my 28 year-old son is that he appreciates, and is touched, by all types of music. He lets himself feel the music and the lyrics and that has brought me much joy. I admire him now as a man still allowing himself to be emotional at times. Since his teen years we have shared concerts and songs with each other, and it is, of course, very special to me. One of my dearest memories from his childhood is my little boy sitting in front of the stereo, clutching his stuffed "Fievel" from the movie "American Tale", listening to the orchestral soundtrack and crying his eyes out remembering the emotional parts of the movie (when Fievel was in danger!) The music spoke to him. I knew then that music would be an integral part of his life, as it has been in mine.

And so, the power of music and lyrics extends to bonding moments between mother and son - as I hope it always will. Sometime I'll write about the song he and I will dance to at his wedding this summer :) sniff.

Glitter in the Air

If you missed Pink's performance of "Glitter in the Air" at the Grammy's - the one where she's mostly naked, hanging in the air in a swath of material, singing upside down and dripping wet - well, you missed it.
It made me buy her CD and I decided I really like the lyrics of the song - something probably no one heard during that performance - even me, the emo music junkie, the lyric freak - since I was standing in front of the TV with my mouth gaping open.

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted.
Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
and said, "I just don't care?"
It's only half past the point of no return,
the tip of the iceberg,
the sun before the burn,
the thunder before the lightning,
and the breath before the phrase.
Have you ever felt this way?
Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone?
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?
Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
will it ever get better than tonight?

Coexisting - Moving In

Valentine

When I think of you, my Valentine,
I think of a safe place to lie each night

in a room of contentment
feeling the heat radiating from you.

And what is love but a safe place
to exist in a frightening world?

I could pull my heart out and offer it to the universe,
but it would be you, my Valentine,

who would take it and silently protect it
in your hands forever.

Quotes of Cheer

In this continuing bleak midwinter I thought I'd share a few uplifting quotes.

We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.
Anne frank

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln

The grand essentials for happiness are: something to do, something to love, and sonething to hope for.
Allan K. Chalmers

When we feel love and kindness towards others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.
Dalai Lama

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

The Power of Music and Lyrics

I have sung in choirs and choruses, at weddings and as a church soloist all my life. I've been transported to heaven singing Brahm's German Requiem. I've been honored to sing at weddings of people I don't know. All my life I've had the privilege of choosing songs that were meaningful to me to share with a congregation. But I don't listen to these songs in my car, walking with my ipod, or at home. I exclusively listen to music for lyrics that evoke a certain emotion in me. It's a habit I've had for almost twenty years since a single CD changed me. It was a time when I was experiencing every negative emotion humanly possible, and sometimes no emotion at all. Although it was a tumultuous and frightening time, it also gave me a rush of something new, something swiftly approaching, a nascent hope and a release from the monotony of a former life. Sometimes I listen to those songs just to experience that rush again. Or the one song that still makes me flinch.

There were two CDs that connected to my very soul. One was Tori Amos's Little Earthquakes. With piano sounds and lyrics I'd never heard before, it gave me permission to be angry (which I desperately needed), to scream, to make me feel alive again. I believe I started writing poetry because her lyrics were poetry to me. On the way home from divorce court I loudly sang along with the song "Little Earthquakes" - give me life, give me pain, give me myself again.
The song "Crucify" asked - why do we crucify ourselves everyday? I crucify myself and nothing I do is good enough for you.
"Tear in Your Hand" said - you don't know the power you have with that tear in your hand.
She sang to me - she's been everybody else's girl, maybe one day she'll be her own.
And - sometimes I hear my voice and it's been HERE - silent all these years.
And - these precious things - let them bleed, let them wash away....

Then, the underrated Kenny Loggins made a CD called Leap of Faith, and I thought he was in my brain. It seemed he was feeling the same things I was:
And if I have to make up my mind, maybe now is the time to decide. Every minute makes it harder on me. Why must it be now or never?

Then in "Leap of Faith" he sang - Once in a life you can find the time to see. Then you get to take it down, turn around, temporary sanity. And then the mountain disappears without a trace - and all it took was a sudden leap of faith.

He sang to his daughter in "The Real Thing" - I did it for you and the boys, because love should teach you joy, and not the imitation that your mama and daddy tried to show you. I did it for you and for me and because I still believe there's only one thing you can never give up on and that's the real thing you need in love.


And I played that song for people to try to explain why my life had fallen apart. At the end of that song he sings:
Everybody's got a boat upon the ocean, but not everybody's sailing out to sea. Is there someone there for me? I'm ready to believe...

AND SO - the last song of that album is called "Too Early for the Sun." It was a few years before I could relate to that one:
You're too early for the stars, too early for the wind
too early for my heart to open up again
but when I see you I just laugh, and I believe
I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
I have never known a life like this except in my dreams
one kiss and I arose anew, now I am alive
I have survived.

And so - after seasons of pain and anger, healing and forgiveness - this was our first dance in my living room. This was our first dance as husband and wife. This is our dance every July 6th in our living room. The album Leap of Faith came full circle in my life - how appropriate.

These songs, these lyrics had a powerful effect on me. Some of them changed me, grew me, and healed me. I will always be grateful that these artists sang their truths because they made me understand my own truth. Music still does that for me.

Coexisting with Jewelry :)

In the spirit of the blog COEXIST, my husband bought me this one-of-a-kind, hand-crafted beautiful COEXIST necklace for my birthday! Thank you Honey.

All Things Down

snow laden branches
the peach juice running out
of the corners of your mouth
-me
---descending
--------------the
------------------front
------------------------steps
sometimes us
the slope of your ski nose
the Challenger body parts
rockets returning to earth
eventually, the birds
hammering, depressed
descelerating your speed
leaves abandoning twigs
swallowing, collapsing:
the twin towers
the soft plummage of a bird
a sedative in her mouth
moving to the edge of the stage
in a low position
calm it now
it can be penniless
impoverished in luck
despondent, crestfallen
down -
trodden, turn, ward, swing,
stage, right, pour, stream, state, stairs
- to earth - and out
all things down

Coexist XXVIII - In America

In the end it's our ideals, our values that build America, values that allowed us to forge a nation made of of immigrants from every corner of the globe, values that drive our citizens still.

Every day Americans meet their responsibilities to their families and their employers. Time and again, they lend a hand to their neighbors and give back to their country. They take pride in their labor and are generous in spirit.

These aren't Republican values or Democratic values that they're living by, business values or labor values. They're American values.

President Barack Obama

The Words/Poetry of Rumi

We have a huge barrel of wine, but no cups.
That's fine with us. Every morning
we glow and in the evening we glow again.

There is a community of the spirit.
Join it, feel the delight
of walking in the noisy street,
and being the noise.

Drink all your passion,
and be a disgrace,
close both eyes
to see with the other eye.

Open your hands
if you want to be held.

Sit down in this circle.
Quit acting like a wolf, and feel
the shepherd's love filling you.

At night your beloved wanders.
Don't accept consolations.

Close your mouth against food.
Taste the lover's mouth in yours.

You moan, "She left me." "He left me."
Twenty more will come.

Be empty of worrying.
Think of who created thought!

Why do you stay in prison
when the door is so wide open?

A Little Rant

I've been struggling with my job teaching students with special needs this year. My degree,a few decades ago, was in learning disabilities, and I still have a good handle on that. But the emotional needs and behavioral issues I face everyday are wearing me out this year. You can work with a devoted and supportive staff of teachers and administrators and still must face the fact that there is really no effective consequence for plain old bad behavior in our classrooms today. Kids get away with disruption, talking back, and refusal to follow directions or complete work every day of the week. I have three 4th graders this year whose behavior reminds me of the antics of two year olds; tantrums, crying, rage, ripping up papers, throwing things, and inability to be reasoned with. They are all on medications that vary in their effectiveness from day to day. We, as teachers, have very little support from home. The worst punishment they can get is sitting in the principal's office for awhile after school.

This is a quote from a Cleveland Plain Dealer reader that was published a couple weeks ago. He/She says it better than I:

Urban districts have unique needs. The children come to classrooms 2-3 years behind suburban students of similar age. Asking urban teachers to be responsible for a students' total educational success is like asking a dentist to be responsible for a patients total oral hygiene care. A dentist can clean teeth and fill cavities but the patient/parent is responsible to brush their teeth regularly, floss, and eat the right foods. Should a dentist lose his job if a patient has bad teeth? The community needs to step up and until then, it is unfair to ask urban district teachers to shoulder ills and effects of poverty on their own. If a student comes to school exhausted because the parent wasn't there, or if a student isn't on the proper medication for ADHD or bi-polar disorder, how is a teacher's performance to be judged and rewarded/penalized? A teacher can have the best lesson in the world, but if a child is tired or upset because their home life is difficult, they cannot learn to potential.

I think that says it all. I would really like to go back to being a teacher - not a babysitter or a disciplinarian or a substitute parent - someday...

Thought for The Day

Sometimes exhausted
with toil and endeavor
I wish I could sleep
forever and ever
but then this reflection
my longing allays
I shall be doing it
one of these days!
Piet Hein

Blogging Followers

I want to thank all my COEXIST "Followers" and all my other readers for your encouragement and support. Many of my readers also have wonderful and diverse blogs. So check some of them out! Scroll down on the right to my followers or my list of Beautiful Bloggers and enjoy!!

Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

A man who knew how to coexist - and died for it.



"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
Martin Luther King Jr.

Winter

Slash of scarlet
bird in a mass of gray twigs
deer, like tree stumps blend
at rest on a cold cotton mattress
bough to toothpick painted
to the edge white to the tip
heavy laden and bowing to their Maker

a robin living on the piece of
startling green by the septic tank
picnic tables smothered and flying creatures
clutter and waltz at the feeders
sunless months our skin
as sallow as the sky
quiescent neighborhoods hibernate
in primitive search of warmth

on the silent journey
flakes continue like fairies lacking restraint
in a freefall to earth
circling down slower than gravity allows
and sometimes a tuft is released
from a branch carried by the cold
across our path in the unchanging
quarter pattern of the Ohio winter

Winter Wonderland

I love snow and always revel in it, but I honestly cannot remember a winter as beautiful as this one. For a week the snow never stopped. Over 25 inches accumulated here. But the amazing thing was that there was no wind, so every flake stayed right where it landed on its journey from heaven. Unusual creations were formed on every flat surface, and on every tiny twig of each tree and bush. I could not stop taking pictures of the beauty outside every window of my home and I wanted to share some with you - although photographs don't really give you the wonderment of seeing it all around you as it has here since New Year's Day 2010. In the last photograph - those two white bumps are our picnic tables! And in the first and third pictures there are chairs and a grill under those white blobs.