The Church Has Broken My Heart Again

First I was angry, indignant, now I’m heartbroken. The United Methodist Church has proven it is Divided—no different, no better than our riven country. A few verses taken out of context in the Old Testament have superseded the words of Jesus. (Verses that are surrounded with other dictates we do not live by any longer.) Jesus came to bring a new covenant. His message was love, acceptance and non-judgement. But fear wins. Judgement wins. I hope our denomination loses a significant amount of members. I hope there is a schism.

Bishops have voted to continue a ban on LGBTQ persons from marrying or serving as clergy in the United Methodist Church and to enforce this ruling. I wept throughout the service yesterday facing my choir director, a man devotedly and happily married to his husband. A man who has made my life better in every way; a friend, a mentor, a spiritual leader every single week. He draws people into the choir of every age, race and creed. He has done ten times more for others  than anyone else I know. He was crying too, and it broke my heart.

My pastor gave an impassioned and powerful message that our church would never exclude anyone. That we are the same diverse and loving church we were last week.  Of course, LGBTQ people are welcomed at our church. But what if two men or two women wanted our pastor to marry them in their beloved church home just as most of us have done? What if he did? Would he lose his job? Would we all lose his spirited and energetic leadership? Our church has continually grown over the years of his tenure—something rare in a mainline church. 

Many years ago an ego-driven minister moved my childhood church out of town. It was the place where three generations of my family met every Sunday. He took that from us and I grieved deeply. It split up friendships and left people without a church home and it was completely unnecessary. My children left the church which broke my heart. I told them that the church is not God. God does nothing to hurt His children. The church is made up of flawed human beings, and while I know that I still don’t understand why church leaders willingly choose anything that hurts its members. 

I hate the platitude: we love the sinner but hate the sin. No, you don’t love someone you are willing to deny basic human rights. Would you deny your own child food, shelter, love, acceptance?  From Corinthians 13: love is kind, love keeps no record of wrong, it always protects. Banning people from what brings them joy and fulfillment is not love. At the conference a young gay man gave a beautiful speech telling of his lifelong dream was to be a Methodist minister. He will be denied that dream.

I don’t believe those of us in the majority understand what it’s like to be marginalized, discriminated against, denied what the rest of us so freely take for granted. This country is fueled by fear right now and Jesus told us repeatedly to not be afraid. Laws are made to protect us. When has a person who is gay hurt you? How have they taken away your rights or ability to live out your own life the way you see fit? They haven’t? Well, that’s what we’ve done to them.

Why People Choose to Believe Lies

It seems we are surrounded with lies and "alternate facts" and the worst hypocrisy we have seen in our lifetimes.  I am not an alarmist and I do not believe in living in fear, but I do believe we must DO SOMETHING to oppose the lies and unsubstantiated claims that are being made by Trump and his spokespeople, otherwise they will think we are all falling for it.

The reason many people believe what they hear or read without question is because they consider the sources to be authority figures.  People who voted for Trump will believe him now because if they can't believe him then they will have to admit that they made a mistake by voting for him. That extends to anyone who speaks for him.  Kellyanne Conway coined the term "alternative facts" and it has been made fun of in the press, but some will find it acceptable because she helped get Trump elected. People often don't want to think for themselves if it's easier for someone to do it for them.

I lived through a situation like this. It is a microcosm of our country now but it revealed a lot about human nature to me:

I treasured the church I grew up in. It was a second home to me. The church stood in a prime location on the main corner of my community for 150 years, but the building was about 50 years old. The denomination was declining, but our church attendance was good.  The minister decided that we should build a bigger church (which would clearly be a feather in his cap.) At first I thought it was a joke, but he put all of his efforts into convincing people we needed it. He even (unethically) gave sermons on it. The congregation was divided and a months-long battle ensued.  I unwittingly became the leader of the opposition. We were in the papers and on TV. 

When I asked people how they felt they would reluctantly tell me they really didn't want the church to move but "Rev. Cummings says we need it." I was amazed how many times I heard this. I would remind those people that the church wasn't his—it was our church. He worked for us.  

One of his biggest points was that we didn't have enough parking. Yet, when you looked in the parking lot there were always spots. We had an agreement that we could park in the grocery store lot next door if needed. In addition, there was an empty house sitting in the middle of the parking lot that had formerly been a home for the ministers but now unused.   We could just tear down that building and gain dozens of spots. People chose to completely ignore what was literally right in front of their faces.

I spoke with dozens of people who blindly followed his logic on every point and never questioned whether it made sense.  That is what is happening now. The POTUS is an authority figure and we were taught as children to obey authority. Years ago I stopped looking at physicians as authorities when I discovered they often did not have answers or were incorrect in their diagnoses. I do not disparage them, but I do not see them as all-knowing either. In the same way many people will readily take a doctor's advice without question. 

I said we must DO SOMETHING and that does not mean argue with our Facebook friends. That means write an email or make a call anytime you read or hear a false statement, especially from one of your Senators or Representatives. Remind them that they represent you and you will not accept lies and half-truths.  Make sure they know you are watching and catch them in any hypocrisy. Their jobs are in our hands.  If we allow "alternate facts" to become the norm it will be our fault for remaining silent. It's all we can do now.

PS - The church. moved five miles away into another county, split the congregation, broke up lifelong friendships as well as my heart.  They insisted they needed 30 acres for a compound of sorts which still is empty except for a medium sized church—but they have lots of parking. The pastor retired, left the congregation with a mortgage and went on to counsel other people how to break up their congregations.

A Coexist Update and a Breath of Fresh Air!

A couple posts ago I wrote about the Greater Cleveland Congregations. More than 40 religious congregations showed up for the first meeting - Jews, Muslims,Evangelicals, Protestants, Unitarians (and only one Catholic representation due to the Bishop's non-support of the GCC.)

After a year of clergy meetings and brainstorming sessions with congregants the GCC announced it's five-prong agenda.

"We intend to organize, and campaign for good jobs, acccessible and affordable health care, safe and productive schools for our children, fair and equal treament in our criminal justice system, and sustainable and healthy food." said the Rev. Tracey Lind.

Connie Schultz reported in the Plain Dealer that "Greater Cleveland Congregations, like any interfaith group has a lot of work ahead, starting with its budget. The religious organizations contributed half of the $250,000 goal. The rest must come from foundations and private donations unless more religious organizations step up. That invitation remains open."

I hope I will have more news of this initiative in the future. A true example of COEXISTING!

And now for a breath of fresh air:

Yesterday former Utah governor John Huntsman announced his candidacy for President of the United States. In his speech he made it clear that he won't "run down" his rivals for the GOP nomination - or the president. He decried the "corrosive" 21st century politics and said, "I respect the President of the United States. He and I have a difference of opinion on how to help a country we both love. But the question each of us wants the voters to answer is who will be the better president, not who is the better American."

What? Did I hear ( and read) this right? Someone who intends to campaign on his own opinions, ideas and strengths without belittling, insulting and sarcasm? Not only coexisting in a campaign - but a true breath of fresh air! One I will be willing to listen to no matter what his political party. We will soon see if he can keep THIS campaign promise.

As Heard in Church . . .

God doesn't throw us out in the trash just because we have empty nets at daybreak.
Pastor Chip Freed
January 23, 2010

Walking Away From Church

"Walking away from church" is the title of an article in yesterday's L.A. Times by Robert D. Putnam and David E. Campbell. Here are some quotes from the article:

The most rapidly growing religious category today is composed of those Americans who say they have no religious affiliation. While middle-aged and older Americans continue to embrace organized religion, rapidly increasing numbers of young people are rejecting it.

Between 25% and 30% of twentysomethings today say they have no religious affiliation - roughly four times higher than in any previous generation.

So why this sudden jump in youthful disaffection from organized religion? The surprising answer, according to a mounting body of evidence, is politics. Very few of these "nones" actually call themselves atheists, and many have rather conventional beliefs about God and theology. But they have been alienated from organized religion by its increasingly conservative politics.

Just as this generation moved left on most social issues - above all homosexuality - many prominent religious leaders moved to the right, using the issue of same-sex marriage to mobilize electoral support for conservative Republicans. In the short run this tactic worked to increase GOP turnout, but the subsequent backlash undermined sympathy for religion among many young moderates and progressives. Increasingly young people saw religion as intolerant, hypocritical, judgmental and homophobic. If being religious entailed political conservatism, they concluded, religion was not for them.

I have seen this first hand. Something to think about.
To read the whole article click here:
www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-1017-putnam-religion-20101017,0,6283320.story

Old Stone Church in Cleveland

The Old Stone Church, a Presbyterian congregation on Public Square in Cleveland dates back to 1820 when Cleveland was just a village. Several disastrous fires later the present building has been in this spot since 1858, squeezed in amongst newer and taller structures. The church offers noontime services, an art gallery and concerts on a glorious pipe organ. I visited on my lunch hour from jury duty this week and was welcomed and inspired. If you're nearby it's worth a visit.



Amasa Stone window by John LaFarge
CLICK ON PHOTOS TO ENLARGE

A Church Story - Part 2

Losing my church was like another divorce. Life would never be the same. My deepest disappointment was from knowing that my children were at the age when they would not blindly follow me to another church. Why would they risk another rejection in their lives? After all I had done to assure their Christian upbringing, now they would not even have a church home. I didn't know if my parents and I would end up at the same church either. I was disgusted with organized religion altogether after I witnessed the way doctrine could be skewed in the wrong direction anyway.

I cannot judge what degree of faith my children have or ever had. Maybe church was just a social place for them. Maybe they never experienced decision of faith as I had thought. Maybe that was my story - not theirs. But I feel as if I failed at my most important responsibility as a parent.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you.

Jeremiah 29:11-14

Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:6

I cling to these verses and to stories from other parents - good, Christian, non-divorced parents that struggle with the same concerns. They tell me that my faith cannot be inherited by my children, but they must acquire one of their own. I cannot help but see the two most painful times of my life as contributing to my children not needing church any longer. Two upheavals that left only ashes of what once was a part of their lives. I could blame myself completely, but I know that God is bigger than my failures.

I'll never forget sitting in the car with my son in the church parking lot shortly before it closed. He felt bitter at all he had seen, and rightly so. I said, "God had nothing to do with what happened here. People made these decisions, not God. It's that free will part of being human that messes everything up."

How do I say to my children - this is what you really need in life - when they have witnessed my battles and failures? Why is it I need faith so badly, believe so strongly, defend it so vehemently? Because God proved himself to me long ago by living inside me, by being there in my darkest moments - the ones I created out of my own free choices. In this life on Earth there is little else we can count on but God - not even a church.

What I know for sure is that God will be there on any given day in their lives when they need Him and call on Him. And the happy ending is that my parents and I found a wonderful church in a community between our homes. My mother and I sit in the choir loft next to each other once again just as we did for so many years in our former church. An added bonus is the fact that over 30 members from my former church have made a decision to join my new church! So there are familiar faces everywhere. I know that this new church will welcome my children as well if they ever need it.

I have to add that my daughter and son are good people. They overcame a lot and had the integrity to put it behind them. We have a wonderful relationship and even as adults they continue to bring great joy to my life. So I cannot say that many of my prayers have not been answered. I see the answers every time I see them.

A Church Story - Part 1

I attended a Methodist church in my childhood and participated in all the opportunities one would expect: Sunday school, vacation bible school, children's choir. The church and its youth program became central to my teenage years. One of the ministers and his wife were musicians and they spent all their free time leading us in musical endeavors. On weekends we traveled to evangelize other youth. Then, to include the adults, they wrote an entire musical and whole families traveled and performed together. My mom, brother, sister and I all sang and danced and my dad was the business manager. They were glorious years that none of us will ever forget.

Each experience grew my faith and love for God. Music was a way to share that and my church was home in every sense of the word. I married and had two children and my greatest hope was for them to have the same meaningful experiences in the same church. As children they learned about God in the same classrooms and sanctuary where their parents were married and they were baptised. At home we read Bible stories, had birthday parties for Jesus and discussed the true meaning of Christian holidays. They had fun at the same Methodist summer camp that I had loved so well. They sang in some musical events and participated in the weekly youth group meetings. My dream had come true - three generations of my family in the same church every Sunday morning. A beautiful and rare thing. Both of my children were on their way to a life of faith just as I had hoped and prayed. You can give your children many things in this life, but I always believed that a grounded faith was the most precious gift you could give them. Something that will last into eternity. As a Christian parent I took that role very seriously.

Then the teenage years happened. I was, and still am, proud of the unique and uncompromising individuals my children are, but as you might expect, they rebelled when their father and I divorced. My daughter clung tightly to her church friends. My son - not so much. As they expressed their individuality they sensed rejection by some of the adult youth leaders. The clothes and hair styles that are so important to self-expression at that age were criticized. My life unexpectedly falling apart and then the comforts of church vanishing changed everything. I watched the dream disintegrate before my eyes.

Not only did my personal crisis change their lives, but then the church literally left us! Some of the newer members were put in leadership roles and it was decided that the present site of the church was inadequate. I unwittingly became a leader against the move. My church was the cornerstone of the community in its location and historic presence there for 150 years. Petitions were signed, television reporters came, dozens of painful meetings were attended and after a long battle, we lost. The church was divided in two. Friendships were ended and relationships damaged. I did not lose faith in God, but I certainly did in organized religion. It had turned on me and I could barely conceive of the impact on my family. I could never have dreamed that the one place that I had counted on my whole life would close down and move to another community. I felt like a tumbleweed with no direction or purpose, and I think that's the way my teenage children felt too.

To be continued. . . .

My Church

This is a painting I did of my church - the church where I spent the first 40+ years of my life. I got to know God there, my babies were baptized there, I was married there, I prayed and laughed and cried there. I sang in every choir there. It was home. Now it's a community theater. At the top there are angels in the clouds. At the base there is a verse from Exodus : Take off your sandals for the place where you are standing is holy ground. ( There are too many prayers suspended within its walls not to be.)
I have a new church now and it is a wonderful place - but there's no place like home. . .