Goodbye to 2016

A year is only defined by the changing seasons and numbers on a calendar, but God must have known that we needed to start things over once in a while.   As a teacher the end of August brought fresh hope for a better school year than the last. We had packed up the old year in all of our classrooms and then in two months time reopened them in anticipation. As 2016 closes I am happy to look on the number 2017 as a new start in my life even though it is only one day passing to the next.

In the past two years I have lost my father and my mother. They lived full and long lives, but sometimes that makes their absence even more painful. They were the two people in the world who were the happiest to see me when I walked through their door. No one will love me like that again. I know that now. It is a life-changing realization.

I spent most of this year dealing with their home and the possessions and memories of over sixty years—the only place that was truly home for me.  I had to empty it of every tangible item and relive my life and theirs along with each discovery.  I read their love letters. I found all my cards and letters to them. It was at once excruciating and also comforting.  I sorrowfully had to sell the home to a new young family—only the second family to ever live there. I feel unnaturally attached to them as I dream about their little boys playing in the same yard I did.

One year ago today my mother was in a rehabilitation facility—a place I despise with all my heart for its loneliness, boredom and isolation. She had clearly lost her will to live since my father had died one year before. To remember last Christmas is reliving a nightmare.  In two weeks time she would have a massive stroke and a week after that we would bring her home and wait for six days for her to die in her living room, not really sure if she knew she was there or not. It was not a peaceful ending to a well-lived life. 

All the formalities are complete; the graves, the memorial services, the sale of the house, the bills, the matters of the estate. Suddenly, I am left with a life bereft of the caregiving responsibilities. But not really....

In the month of May a new person was born to fill my heart with love. My second grandson. Two beloveds are gone and two have come from heaven to bring light back into my life. This is life. So in 2017 I will embrace the new hope that God has sent me and I will honor and treasure the losses of the past as we all must do.

Happy New Year

Happy 2014

Dear Past,
Thank you for the lessons.

Dear Future,
I am ready.

Happy New Year to All.

Wishing You All A

Wishing All of You...

For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.
TS Eliot

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
Albert Einstein

December Lament

It's the funeral march to the end of the year,
just a number, just a month, with joy to the world

and a slithering trail of regrets gaining on me
like a holiday rattlesnake about to strike, sending poison

to the veiny, icy backs of my hands. Visions relentlessly
knock at the frosted windowpane of my mind

not of fairies and plums, but that first wet snowflake
on the windshield, that sudden chord of a song,

a broken ornament, children who are no longer children,
what the year was not, and someone who is not here.

Silent snow falls on my winter sorrows, until I look up
from my lament and see God in your eyes.

The Un-Resolution

It's so tempting on January 1st to tell myself that THIS year I will lose those 5 (or 10) pounds - but, alas, I never do. Exercise more - um, probably not. I'm pretty content with my walking and yoga.

Over my 2 week Christmas vacation this year I realized that I had done several things I'd never done before. I was asked to help lead a worship service at my church. Compared to singing solos I figured it would be relatively easy since I have above average reading skills :) I ended up doing just about everything but the sermon and got to read my Christmas poem as well. It felt good.

I picked up a book I'd bought a couple years ago after realizing that, voracious reader that I am, I'd never read a Charles Dickens novel. I read all 550 pages of"Great Expectations." I enjoyed it once I got used to the language.

Lastly, my hubby and I went tobogganning. I'd never done that before! It was a very short experience due to the fact that it was a sunny, but cold winter day and every kid (and parent, apparently) was on vacation just like me. We waited 30 minutes to buy the tickets and another 30 minutes climbing the steep wooden steps (with hubby carrying the toboggan). We took one exciting 10 second ride down the shoot, screaming and laughing all the way. The line at the bottom was about twice as long as when we'd arrived and it was COLD!! So we decided the second ride would feel the same as the first and we left happy and cold.

I've decided that doing something you've never done before is a better, and potentially more fun "resolution" than trying and failing at the same old thing, year after year. I am still working on my list for 2011. Any ideas???

Auld Lang Syne

Happy New Year 2010

Dear Blogging Friends - thank you for reading, for all your kind words and support throughout the year. I am grateful for each one of you. There are so many of you that I feel I know personally even though we have never met. I truly wish you all a wonderful new year full of the blessings that you desire most.

December Lament

It's the funeral march towards the end of the year,
just a number, just a month, with joy to the world

and a slithering trail of regrets gaining on me
like a holiday rattlesnake about to strike, sending poison

to the veiny, icy backs of my hands. Visions relentlessly
knock at the frosted windowpane in my mind

not of fairies and plums, but that first wet snowflake
on the windshield, that sudden chord of a song,

a broken ornament, children who are no longer children,
what the year was not and someone who is not here.

Silent snow falls on my winter sorrows, until I look up
from my lament and see God in your eyes.

Be Patient with Yourself

One of my favorite, most profound and thoughtful beautiful bloggers is Fran. Today she posted a great quote for the new year. As we try to make resolutions one of the frequent results of making promises to ourselves is often disappointment, followed by beating ourselves up, followed by lowered self-esteem. Who needs that?

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew. St. Francis de Sales

For a lovely new year's inspirational post go HERE.

Happy New Year 2009

The word January comes from the Roman god Janus - the god of gates, doors and beginnings, so on this January 1st I wish you open gates and doors to all you wish for - and for all that you have not yet known that awaits you. I was inspired yesterday while watching a woman on TV who had lost her husband and two-year old son in a plane crash. To move on with her life she said she stopped seeing only what was taken from her and started seeing what she had been given. She had had a great marriage and the joy of a son for two years - something, she said, that others had never been given. If we could do that everyday I'm sure we would all truly have a happy new year.

And especially for my writing friends as we struggle along with our passion for words, sometimes misunderstood and lonely on our quest - T.S. Eliot said "For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning." Yes, there are endless words and language waiting for us this year.

And one more quote from Marcel Proust:

"The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."

I love that one - having new eyes. I am not going to resolve to lose five pounds or exercise more this year - I am going to try to have new eyes to all that is around me.

Happy, happy new year to all. Thank you for reading this blog and for your always kind and encouraging comments.