Waiting

Waiting

I am waiting for a Seals and Crofts reunion,

waiting for those days of decision to reverse,

waiting to feel like the adult I thought I saw in my elders,

the sense of consolation for a life well-lived.

I am waiting to see dignity in the mirror, not a fallen face,

waiting for my children to be all I am not,

searching for an understanding in them I did not possess,

waiting to find myself in all the reinventions and good intentions.

I am pondering what I didn’t do when I was being good,

what I slammed doors on without ever peeking outside,

wondering where all the prayers went,

and measuring my worth by my lack of change.

I am strip-mining now for a whole soul.

I am in love with my abstruse dreams.

The confounded past wakes me at night,

and the day is all too peaceful and resolved.