I am waiting for a Seals and Crofts reunion,
waiting for those days of decision to reverse,
waiting to feel like the adult I thought I saw in my elders,
the sense of consolation for a life well-lived.
I am waiting to see dignity in the mirror, not a fallen face,
waiting for my children to be all I am not,
searching for an understanding in them I did not possess,
waiting to find myself in all the reinventions and good intentions.
I am pondering what I didn’t do when I was being good,
what I slammed doors on without ever peeking outside,
wondering where all the prayers went,
and measuring my worth by my lack of change.
I am strip-mining now for a whole soul.
I am in love with my abstruse dreams.
The confounded past wakes me at night,
and the day is all too peaceful and resolved.