Diane Vogel Ferri is a teacher, poet and writer. Her essays have been published in Scene Magazine, Cleveland Christmas Memories, Raven’s Perch, and by Cleveland State University among others. Her poems can be found in numerous journals. Her chapbook, Liquid Rubies, was published by Pudding House. The Volume of Our Incongruity was published by Finishing Line Press. Diane’s essay, “I Will Sing for You” was featured at the Cleveland Humanities Fest in 2018. Her novel, The Desire Path can be found on Amazon. She is a graduate of Kent State University and holds an M.Ed from Cleveland State University.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Stella

Losing a dog is a lot like losing a person. There is a period of disbelief. Where is she? When is she coming back?  I thought I just saw her, heard her. But when you lose a parent or a friend chances are they weren't next to you every minute of the day and night—but a dog is.  You love and care for a dog. Suddenly you are no longer a caregiver and there is empty time in your day. All of your daily routines are upended and unfamiliar. There is no one greeting you at the door when you arrive at home. You are without the unconditional love that only a pet can give, (even if it's just because you are the one to feed her.)

I chose Stella from a shelter 13 years ago and I felt her love, devotion and gratitude every day of those 13 years.  She was my walking companion. She always pulled on the leash. I knew that should have been corrected but it made me walk faster and we both stayed trim.  I estimate we took over 1300 walks together until last spring when she could no longer make it around the neighborhood.
She was a beautiful, gentle dog and I miss her terribly.

A dog often forces you take them to their final destination. You make an appointment to end their suffering and although you know it is the right thing to do it is not normal to take something you love to die. It seems wrong and guilt and doubt accompany your decision.  But I believe that a dog knows when their time has come and September 27, 2017  Stella let me know she was ready. I will miss her always.

It seems silly to think there is a heaven for dogs but I hope there is some reward for all the joy and love they give us while they are here. And just like people you hope there is relief from pain and suffering for eternity.

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