On stuff: "That's all your house is, it's a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Now sometimes - sometimes you gotta move. You gotta get a bigger house. Why? Too much stuff. You gotta move all your stuff and maybe put some of your stuff in storage. Imagine that there's a whole industry based on keeping an eye on your stuff."
"How is it possible to have a civil war?"
"Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?"
"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?"
"'Older' sounds a little better than 'old' doesn't it? Sounds like it even might last a little longer... I'm getting old. And it's OK because thanks to our fear of death in this country I won't have to die. I'll 'pass away' or I'll 'expire' like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital they'll call it a 'terminal episode'. The insurance company will refer to it as 'negative patient care out-come'. And if it's a result of malpractice, they'll say it was a 'therapeutic misadventure.'"
And from the Hippie-Dippy Weatherman -" tonight's forecast - dark."
And of course, his famous routine - The Seven Words You Can't Say on TV - but, well, ...I don't know any of those. :)