Saturday, February 2, 2008

Misty Watercolor Memories

What are the images held deeply and eternally in your mind? Which are true memories and which are memories from photographs? Sometimes I fear that much of what I remember comes from the split second someone held a small machine up - its eye to their eye - and let the shutter open on that moment in time. What about the rest of time when no one did that? What remains?
Which memories are real and true and which are changed with time? Or does it matter? My father is 85 years old and he tells stories of his youth with such clarity, his face filled with the emotion of that moment. He's feeling the impact again - 50, 60, 70 years later.
Memories are attached to emotions. How did it feel to wake up on Christmas morning as a child? (How did it feel when your mother said - it's 5 am - go back to bed!) How did it feel as the front tire of your first two-wheel bike hit a bump and you lost control, or to kiss the person you would marry for the first time, or to see a beloved grandparent in a casket? How did it feel to unwrap the blanket on your newborn child and try to comprehend that you had any part in creating a miracle?
We remember these moments because we remember how they felt, good or bad. It's, of course, all relative, good and bad. You can't have one without the other. I don't live in the past or dwell on regrets (much) but sometimes I allow myself to recall emotionally devastating moments in my life, and I recognize how far I've come and what I learned from those experiences.
The only thing I fear is not remembering my children's childhood and youth. It went so fast. Sometimes they recall things that I don't and we can share that. When they were small I didn't have much money, and film and developing were not always in the budget. A video camera was out of the question. But when I start wishing things had been different - I remember - I have THEM. My amazing son and daughter. That's what matters now. I still have them and we're still making memories.


gkgirl said...

i think about this often,
and how some can seem so sharp
and yet others seem somewhat
a memory made from a story once told...

thank you for your sweet comment
on my blog...
and although i have never seen
tori amos in concert, i have
been a fan of hers for a long time.

gkgirl said...

forgot to say,
it looks as though we
share the same taste
in books as well...

happyone said...

Thanks for stopping by and leaving such a nice comment. I've enjoyed reading part of your blog. I'll be back when I have a bit more time.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

What a lovely post! It is interesting to me that you write about these particular things..Memories and Memories attached to photographs....To me, they are both very real....And, in fact, having pictures of a certain event or time in my life, for me, brings back the details of that time often with much more clarity and specificity....! I remember things as I write about that time, sparked by the pictures. So I personally LOVE that I have pictures of many many things that have occurred throughout my life....

And A Very Happy Birthday to you....It sounds like your celebration was just lovely!

Thanks so much for your visit to my blog, too! I appreciate your words, more than I can say.